It’s a cliché, but it is also true: change is the new constant. We live in a VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous) world where everything can become overwhelming very quickly.
Most of us are searching for certainty at some level, and this offers the modern lawyer with the opportunity to provide certainty – in the form of trust. Being able to trust someone offers a level of certainty and stability that provides the basis for a productive long term relationship.
Of course, trust has always been important to the professional, but with the constant chatter of social media, the explosion of content online, and the increasing complexity of life generally, the ability to build trust quickly and effectively, with authenticity, can be the key to cutting through and setting yourself apart from the competition.
One of the keys to building trust is empathy. Empathy is essential to help build real and meaningful connections. It forms part of our emotional intelligence and is a critical leadership skill. It can also be the difference in getting the most out of your employees, influencing your colleagues, and building your client list.
(For a great article of a senior lawyers experience with empathy by David Perla.)
What is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to understand, read and share other people’s thoughts and emotions. It can be distinguished from sympathy, which is about feeling sorry or pity for someone.
Some of us are more natural at being empathetic than others, but according to Dr Annie McKee, senior fellow at the University of Pennsylvania, empathy can be learnt, or improved, it just takes “self-awareness, self-management, patience, endurance, and lots and lots of practice.”
Here’s three ways to think about being more empathetic:
1. Be self-aware
To tap into how another person maybe feeling or perceiving, you need to first be able to recognize your own perspective and move your own viewpoint to the side. The focus cannot be entirely on what you want, need, or how you are going to get it.
Simple enough, but when we are busy and under pressure it’s easy to get caught up in our own heads and become self-focused. Have we stopped to consider the other person’s viewpoint? How might they be feeling or perceiving the situation?
2. Put yourself in the other person shoes.
The ability to see a situation from someone else’s perspective is an amazingly powerful skill that can give you real insight. It’s at the heart of good design theory -- what is the customer’s perspective? How do they experience your services?
(A nice summary of design thinking as it applies to the law firm by Jamie Ng, from Ashurst.)
If we have faced a similar experience it can be easy for us to understand how it might be for the other person. But it’s not enough to simply ask ourselves how we might feel in a similar situation; we have to delve a little deeper and consider how the other person may be feeling or seeing things. To do this we need to listen and pay attention to the other person.
The danger for lawyers can be moving too quickly to try and solve the problem presented, and not taking the time to really listen. Listening is an underrated skill and requires us to focus our attention on the other person. Active listening involves:
- Giving our full attention to the other person.
- Not multitasking, or checking Facebook (including cat memes)
- Paying attention to our body language
- Showing that you are listening
- Suspending judgement
- Validating the other person’s viewpoint
3. Ask good questions
A good question can really show a person you’ve been listening to what they have to say and that you are genuinely interested. It provides the opportunity for the other person to expound their thinking, which can help you better understand their viewpoint.
If you are not picking up on what the person is feeling, or seeing their perspective it may help to be direct: simply ask what is it that the person wants? What do they want to achieve? How are feeling about this? What would you like from me?
Putting it into practice.
When you are busy, pressed for time and under tight deadlines, it might seem like stopping to listen and show empathy takes up time that you don’t’ have. But that is a false economy.
Whether dealing with clients, colleagues or your managing partner, empathy can provide you with valuable insights, and enable you to connect on a deeper level. It helps you display a genuine interest and authenticity, which provides the basis for building trust. Making real connections is the people skill that can really take your career to the next level.