I kind of think of perfectionism as a clichéd answer to the interview question: what’s your biggest weakness?
You are really trying to say: my weakness is massive attention to detail, working extra-long hours until the job gets done, I’m like a dog with a bone…
Perfectionism can be a great strength, it can be the characteristic that’s achievement focused, hones in on detail, and creates a strong work ethic. Psychologists call this adaptive perfectionism and it can be a useful personality trait for a successful career.
But perfectionism also has a much darker side – maladaptive perfectionism – which is ultimately self-destructive and characterized by unrealistic expectations about flawlessness, an inability to deal with failure, and ultimately an insatiable pursuit of an unattainable reality.
Nasty stuff. The end result can be depression, anxiety and procrastination.
But you don’t have to be in the depths of depression before perfectionism can suck the joy out of work and life.
I have a platonic relationship with perfectionism, we tend to live happily side by side, but recently I found it rearing its ugly head when plunged into a new situation outside my working environment.
I’m renovating and I’m a reluctant renovator, (and definitely not a handy-man unless the job involves blu-tack or sticky tape). It didn’t start well.
Mindset is everything, mine was decidedly focused entirely on the outcome, I wanted it over with even before it had begun, but then equally found myself going over every decision, every line, every placement of a cabinet, having a say on every aspect, wanting it perfect. Which made me particularly delightful for the tradies to work with.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to get things how you want them, or having a fine eye for detail; the danger though is all of a sudden you are entirely focused on what has to be done and what is wrong, ignoring anything that went well or looked good.
Renovation was new to me, things went wrong, my frustration levels found new heights, and pretty soon joy had been sucked out of the experience. Sure renovating is stressful at the best of times, but I started to turn it into a nightmare.
Awareness is the key. Once I realized I was becoming overly focused on each flaw, and what was going wrong, I could stop and take a step back and see the wood from the trees, shifting my mindset, and if not exactly relishing the process, at least stop from being perpetually miffed. And then, I could start to find some pleasure in it.
Here’s three things you can try if you find your perfectionist tendencies tipping over into destructive.
1. Adopt a learning mindset
Thinking about everything as a learning opportunity forces you to think about the process more than the outcome. It’s the old but true cliché: success is about the journey not the destination. It’s when we get fixated on the end result and how it has to be that things can become screwy.
2. Have realistic expectations
Of course, what is realistic is relative – what it is for you isn’t the same for someone else. But given that maladaptive perfectionism tends towards the extremes, it can be useful to try and be objective about the situation. What’s reasonable? High standards can be great, but are they actually having a negative impact on your work and the pleasure you derive from it?
The perfect life and work don’t exist, and if they do they’ll regress to the mean at some point. Perfection doesn’t equal success; if it does, you might need to reconsider your definition of success.
3. Celebrate achievements
Becoming too focused on flaws creates a very lopsided view of things, but making an effort to identify and celebrate successes is a useful habit that helps bring balance and perspective. Not only will you benefit, but it’s a really nice way to involve those around, making it part of the team culture. It may seem obvious, but the trap is you’re already into the next thing, the next piece of work, and the moment is gone.
Back to renovating
Renovating is a temporary thing (very temporary hopefully), but for me it’s a nice reminder of how allowing perfectionist tendencies to get out of hand and really suck the joy out of things. It’s even more important in the workplace where allowing it to dominate can really have a negative impact, kept in check though it can be a real strength.